She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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