we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
