even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
