Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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