Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
