that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
