ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
