My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
