I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
