well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
