In America we eat man semen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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