i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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