I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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