I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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