i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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