I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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