dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
