We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
