You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize