New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
