i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
