I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
