Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize