Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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