Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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