If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
