i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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