last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
