I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
