She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
