Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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