one might say we're banned from that church
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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