thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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