I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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