Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
