I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
