Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
