last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
