That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
