i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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