you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
