I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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