Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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