I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
