nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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