Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
