I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Randomize
