Moan for me like Helen Keller
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize