I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
