So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
