another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
