I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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