he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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