Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
