i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
