Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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