My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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