what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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