It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
