pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
