so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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