did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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