dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
