she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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