Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
