so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
