I'd wear matching sweaters with you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
