ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
