if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize