Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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