She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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