i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize