This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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