Pappa wants mamma naked
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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